O Bambusrohr, O Bambusrohr

It’s that time of year again.  The lights have been painstakingly strung, crowds are anxiously gathering, and Tony Bennett is warming up to sing/speak some classic carols.  It’s the momentous lighting of the tree in Rockefeller Center!

Well, you can keep your big, fancy tree, NYC.  Because I have my bamboo poles.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever

That’s right.  In lieu of a Christmas tree this year, I have two bamboo rods.  I should let you know that this is not an attempt at holiday cheer that is born out of poverty, unless you are wealthy and would like to be my patron.  It’s more of a lazy, I don’t have time for all the picking out, decorating and cleaning up after a real tree situation.  Plus, using bamboo allows me to feel smugly superior to all you conifer killers out there.  It’s like the Prius of Christmas decorations.

There’s an argument to be made that it’s more like the Ford Taurus of Christmas decorations.  But that is an argument I will be ignoring.

The festivities went down thusly:  I put the poles in a planter.  I wrapped some white lights, to keep it classy, around the base of the planter and all the way up the bamboo.  It was then that I realized I needed to have some accompanying music for the hanging of the ornaments.  So, I sang “Bullet With Butterfly Wings”.  Shut up.  It mentions Jesus.  Once the decorative pine cones were in place it was time to find a topper.  And what is more appropriate than mistletoe for two poles that are bound together in a passionate, forever smooch by strands of lights?  Sorry, didn’t mean to get all PG-13 on you.  To appease the traditionalists, there is a star up there too.  And I’d also like to believe there are invisible angels circling at all times, singing glorious choruses of praise to the giant wood in my living room.  Rated R.