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Island of Misfit Candy

December 22, 2011

I was digging through a  child’s Halloween candy stash this week.  Don’t even try to shame me.  It won’t work.  With less than a week until Christmas,  I knew what to expect, the proverbial and literal bottom of the Halloween candy barrel.  The primo candy, your Snickers, Twix, Starburst etc., is always the first to go.  But when you hit mid December there is nothing left but a pile of  taste bud travesty.  Here are the usual offenders:

-Twizzlers:  Ugh.  I know there are people who like this stuff, but I cannot figure out why.  It is a red rubber rope.  And that is how it tastes.  Rubbery.  And red.  Yummy?

-Chocolate Malt Balls: I was convinced as a child that they were moth balls that had been dipped in chocolate.  I stand by that.

-Tootsie Rolls:  And speaking of chocolate, who the hell do you think you are kidding, Ms Tootsie.  This tastes nothing like chocolate.  It looks like a turd.  It tastes worse.  How is this still a thing?

This is a dung heap of sugar.  It should be banished to the island of misfit candy.  And it better not even fucking try to weasel its way back into my life via stocking.

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One Response to “Island of Misfit Candy”

  1. fadderly Says:

    lmao! so true! i just dumped our halloween stragglers. you don’t have to go home, but you gotta get outta here! 🙂


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